Empty Wandering, Joseph Chu

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Day by day the world goes on,

Just as it has gone before.

Millions grasp and clutch at life,

Wond'ring if there could be more;

Such was I and would be, yet

Mercy found me out somehow;

With what gratefulness I say,

”I'm in God's own family now.”

The words of this hymn mirror my experience of the Lord after graduating from college. I had always been a Christian my entire life, having been raised in a Christian family. Like Timothy, I knew the holy Scriptures from a young age and I knew that God was real and living. Yet, as I started my final year at the University of Pennsylvania, I began to tune out all that I had learned and studied and experienced of the Lord and of His Word from my youth. My thoughts and efforts, fueled by natural ambition and love of money, instead turned to starting a lucrative career on Wall Street. The Lord was left behind amidst a pile of resumes and cover letters and interview schedules.

As the fall semester of my senior year wound down, I was offered a full-time position with an investment bank in Los Angeles. This position was one of the most highly sought after jobs by graduating seniors at my school. I couldn't believe how I could have gotten this opportunity. This was only the beginning, I thought. A lucrative career in banking was my future. I would pour out all my effort into my job and look to retire at age 40. Then I could give my time to the Lord. This was my thought.

With excitement I graduated and moved to Los Angeles to start working in the summer of 1998. Work was very challenging and exciting, and I relished the constant pressure and demanding requirements. On the one hand, my hours averaged 80-100 hours a week, and rarely did I go without working on the weekends. On the other hand, everything we did was first class--we flew first class, we stayed in first class hotels, we ate in first class restaurants. I was young, privileged and on the fast track to success.

During this entire time, I did what in my mind was required of me in meeting with the local church in Los Angeles. Every week, I would carve out Lord's Day morning to at least attend the Lord's table meeting. Afterward, I would head back to the office. Because I lived in west Los Angeles, I was assigned to a small group meeting near the University of California in Los Angeles. Little did I know that this small group would turn out to be my salvation.

Initially, I would go to the weekly group meeting only if I had no other plans with my co-workers. Often, I would arrive late at the home, eat some dinner and fall asleep in the corner because I was so tired. But little by little, my heart was warmed and shepherded by these believers. They had a genuine care for me that was missing from my relationships with my co-workers. Slowly, the Friday night group meeting became my priority instead of looking for things to do with my co-workers. When my co-workers would ask me why I was no longer going out with them, I couldn't really explain it to them. Something about these believers was simply more attractive to me than heading out to the latest bar or nightclub.

Eventually, meeting on Friday night grew into additional meetings on Monday nights and Thursday nights and so on. Pretty soon, I was getting really bummed out if I had to miss my time with the brothers and sisters. The Lord came in again to save me by offering me another highly desirable position within my company that would afford me much more time with the brothers and sisters. This job was really just His sovereign arrangement. He knew just what I needed even before I knew it. I took the position and my time was freed up to pursue Him with all the believers.

Since then, I have just been growing under the Lord's grace. My dreams for Wall Street are gone. Instead, they are replaced with hopes of gaining Christ and bringing the Lord back. Praise the Lord for His abundant mercy! It found even me. Without it, I would be another person searching in vain, grasping and clutching at life. All I can do now is to thank and praise Him. “Lord Jesus, I love You!”